My boys.
They drive me insane, fill me with pride,
embarrassment, anger and so much love.
It amazes me how different each of them are.
So small and already so unique.
Evan was my first baby. I was twenty years old and so clueless
as to what I was truly getting myself into.
I was blessed because he was an excellent sleeper from the get go.
He was anti-boob though and so as much as I wanted to breastfeed he
refused. After feeling like a complete failure as a mother I tried pumping
and he took the bottle just fine. It took some time but after a few
lectures from my mother I stopped feeling like a failure even when I returned
to work and dried up forcing me to turn to formula. I did my best and
we survived. Evan has always been my independent child. As an infant, baby, toddler
he has always been fine by himself, you could pass him off to anyone and he'd be fine
wouldn't cry or want me to hold him.
Which was great and a bit sad. As he reached 1 and then 2 we realized he was having issues
with his speech. I was homeschooled and have always planned on homeschooling my own
children, so the horrible realization that I couldn't teach my child to speak
crushed me. We put Evan in preschool with speech therapy classes and he has
made incredible progress. Since I am with him daily I have a hard time noticing his progress and I am beyond ready to have back and forth conversations
with my 4 1/2 year old. We are getting there but it is a very slow progress
and I am exhausted with waiting. I have to pray for patience a lot. Evan is so smart
and goofy and a wonderful big brother. I cannot believe he will be 5 this summer.
Parker is an entirely different child. He will be 3 this March. He was born a mama's boy.
Which was a wonderful change! It was amazing to feel like my child needed me! lol
He was also a good sleeper and all around a good easy baby. I was able to successfully breast
feed with him which was a wonderful experience. As he reached the terrible two stage we realized
that Evan was not the stubborn child we thought he had been, he had been easy compared to Parker's
toddler stage. He is smart and stubborn and pushes the limits constantly. He is the child that will most
likely be the death of me. lol Parker is funny, sweet and sensitive. That has been the biggest difference between the two. Parker is a crier, I know part of it is the whiney stage but he is just
sensitive where as Evan isn't. Parker can watch a sad scene on a cartoon and start crying, he
can get worked up over his brother playing a game on Gram-gram's phone and start bawling (yeah,
Evan was playing Temple Run and every time he got a boost he got excited and Parker thought
it was a bad yell instead of a happy yell and he started bawling.. haha) Even though he drives me
up the wall with his constant pushing the envelope and whining he is my sweetheart. He is the
boy who will run up and throw his arms up and ask for hugs. He wants to be held and to give kisses
and all of your attention. Parker is so smart, he learned his alphabet very quickly and he has an
excellent memory. Except when it comes to potty training lol He does fine as long as he is naked
but put him in undies and he forgets the drill. lol He is also a wonderful big brother and loves giving the "baby Dean" kisses.
Dean was my difficult pregnancy, horrible backaches, terrible nausea, pinched nerves and then let's
not mention the new anesthesiologist who spent 30 minutes trying to put in my epidural.
30 minutes of contractions AND shooting nerve pain, yeah I was not a happy lady. When they
finally brought in someone else and finally got it in I was deliriously happy that I told the lady
she was my best friend haha So long before Dean was born he was graced with the title of
Monster lol
He did TRY and make up for being a difficult pregnancy by coming 9 days early and since he
wasn't a girl he did grant me one of my life long wishes of an April baby.
(I was born in April and apparently as a kid I decided it means it's an epic month to be born haha)
He was born the last day of April, the day after my birthday.
Dean was the difficult baby, what could I expect after having two easy babies? I should have known
lol He had a hard time getting into a good sleeping routine, he has the most intense cry/scream
that makes you want to rip your hair out and strangle a chicken
lol okay maybe that was a step too far.
He has gotten better, took him a couple months to really get into a good sleeping schedule and
the last couple weeks he has been much happier since he has mastered crawling.
I have never seen a baby SO eager to move. The other two were excited to crawl but not like Dean.
He was so enraged he couldn't crawl and now he is getting mad that he cannot stand and walk.
Dean is determined and loud. I can't wait to see his personality as he grows but it kills me
that he is already so big. He is our last baby and it breaks my heart each day as he continues
to grow.
I cannot even imagine what life will be like in ten years. It scares the ever living crap out of me!
I will have a 14, 12 and 10 year old.. WOW.... okay, I need to hyperventilate into a paper sack now!
I cannot wait to see there strengths as they grow into young men. I hope they have my love of
reading and creative writing. The idea of one of my sons having my passion for writing
makes me so excited!(Because I want that, it will probably not happen lol) I hope they have a good
sense of humor and are kind when they get old enough to realize how lame their mother is. I hope
they are romantic and understanding like their dad. I hope they are smarter than Cody and I combined.
The thought of hurt feelings, broken hearts and all other pains I can't kiss away makes me want to
burst into tears. They are my little boys and I hate the thought of the world hurting them. Watching
your children grow up is hard and painful all around. I don't suppose it gets any easier.
I hope and worry everyday that I am and will be the best mother I can be. I suppose every mother
worries about that. I stress over the things I fail to do and forget to give myself credit for the
things I do daily. It is hard to live up to the wonderful mother I have. I still don't know what I'd do
without her. I am fairly certain I would be lost if I couldn't text her and ask her random questions
although I think she is getting tired of me asking her things I could find the answer to on google haha
This turned out to be a lot longer than I had planned but I guess I had more things I needed to say
than I thought lol So to wrap this up I have three entirely different, exhausting, crazy and completely wonderful little boys who I am madly in love with.
<3
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